Divorce is a difficult time for everyone involved, for both spouses as well as their children. Here is how to find a support system that will help you through difficult times. When it comes to divorce, the legal process is just one piece of the puzzle. It can be difficult to find peace and people who are on your side.
A support system comes in many different forms. It might be a friend or family member who you talk to about your feelings, or it might be an online community of people who share your experiences and offer advice on how to cope with them.
Divorce is never easy, but it doesn’t have to be as difficult as it might seem. A lawyer can help you through the legal aspects of the divorce, but what about everything else?
A healthy support system is an important part of mental health. When people are going through a difficult time, they need to know that they are not alone and there are people who will be there for them. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to finding a good support system. People have different needs and preferences when it comes to their support systems. Here is how to find a healthy support system:
✔ You will need to ASK for support. People cannot read your mind. You may have to tell friends and family that this is a hard time for you and you are reaching out for help. If you want to take a break from school or work, you can listen to your body and rest. It’s okay not to feel like doing things some days. There is no “right way” of grieving, and this is a real grief; a big part of your life has been stripped away. Grief and heartbreak is different for everyone.
✔ Get a therapist. It’s a MUST! A therapist will guide you through this process and help you adjust and deal with the pain of things you may not even be aware of. Talking about your problems with a therapist is often the best way to get through them. There are many ways to find a therapist. You can ask your doctor, or you could search online for local therapists in your area. Some people might not be comfortable talking to someone they don’t know, but there is no shame in asking for help. Having an uninvolved party to help you sort through your emotions and struggles can be an incredible relief.
✔ Look for support in your immediate circle – your family should be the first to reach out to, but they are not always the most helpful. Try not to isolate yourself – don’t self-seclude. The more people you have in your life who might support you, the less likely it is that your thoughts and feelings will spiral into depression.
✔ Reach out to long term friends – college friends, childhood friends, etc. They may not know you are getting divorced, so give them a call. They know you from before marriage, and they will remind you who you are without your spouse, whether you’ve been together for decades or just a few years. It’s okay to take a break when needed, but make sure you reconnect as soon as you’re ready. Do not seek validation from your (ex-)spouse about how to feel. If you’re looking for reassurance, it means you lack confidence that you have what it takes to do this yourself.
✔ Reach out to co-workers you trust, but make sure this does not affect your job, it’s tricky to confide in people at work. Divorce is a difficult process for anyone and it can be even more challenging for people who are in the workplace. The divorce process is not easy and it can affect your work life as well as your home life. Some ways to navigate divorce and work: reach out to co-workers you trust; seek professional help if you need it, there are many resources available for those who need support during a divorce; inform your immediate managers but don’t overshare.
✔ Make new friends. It’s possible to make entirely new friend circles when getting divorced. Sign up for as many singles and single/divorced parents groups as possible – on Facebook, by attending events, and through participating in activities. Make new, awesome friends. There are local meet-up groups for single parents, divorced parents, people going through divorce, etc. You can probably find one that does fun things that may interest you like hiking, travel trips, wine tastings, etc. Reconnect with your inner joys and passions.
✔ Speaking of, get a new hobby. It will help heal you and bring you back to who you are as a human being un-coupled. You might be feeling a bit lost right now, but you are strong enough to get through this! Many people end up feeling lonely after going through a divorce. One of the best ways to find a new hobby is by exploring what you are interested in and what you like doing. You might like something that you never thought about before, or something that you used to enjoy before your divorce. Connecting with other singles or divorcé(e)s with similar interests can make these experiences all the more relevant and healing for you.
✔ Exercise: it is an important part of one’s mental and physical health. It can help with weight loss, depression, and anxiety. Some people find it difficult to exercise because they are too busy or they have a lack of energy. Exercise can be hard for some because it may cause them to feel guilty about not spending time with their family or friends. Exercise is important for everyone, no matter the age or gender. It is essential to maintain a healthy lifestyle and keep the body in good shape. Don’t lose your confidence by giving up on your body, just because you are newly single. Divorce is a difficult process and it can have a devastating effect on your mental health; don’t give up on your physical health either.
✔ Things that help you balance your emotional state and energy are great for the time of transition that is divorce. It is important to maintain a healthy emotional state. Meditation and yoga are two practices that can help balance your emotional state when you are going through hard times. They provide mental clarity, reduce anxiety, and lower stress levels.
✔ Look at divorce as a NEW BEGINNING, even though you must also acknowledge that it’s an end of the marriage and give yourself time and space to grieve for the loss of that in your life. Try not to carry any guilt, anger or sadness with you when you enter into your next phase of life, and hopefully, of love.
✔ Do not start a serious committed dating situation right away. Give yourself plenty of time to jump into another “couple” situation. It’s just fine to sign up for dating/hookup apps, and find sexy hookups (but be safe), but please don’t jump into another engagement or boyfriend/girlfriend situation, especially with introducing kids and family to your new significant other. Give plenty of time for your family, and especially your children, to get used to your divorce transition before introducing a new significant other into this already complex situation.
Shepelsky Law Group
Immigration Lawyers for all 50 states